stories from the hummiiverse
The Origins of Special Snack Ops
Team KRUNCH...
Cartoon rendering of Team KRUNCH on one of their secret snack missions.
The Sugary Death Grip of Emma M.
In the far reaches of the POINTS! universe, things were getting a little too sweet for comfort—literally and figuratively. Emma M., the sugar-slurping bitch queen of Sugar Corp, was tightening her death grip on the galaxy, and things were going to hell faster than a Snickers bar left out in the sun. The low-sugar task force was fighting the good fight, but no matter how hard they tried, the sugar addicts just kept coming back for more, like flies on a pile of rotting candy corn. Emma M.'s evil minions were multiplying faster than you could say "tooth decay," and the POINTS! crew was getting desperate.
The metaphorical grip Emma M & "Big Sugar" had over their planet.
It's Super Snack Soldier Time!
They needed something stronger, something that packed a powerful crunch that could shatter Emma M.'s sugary empire into a million sticky pieces...
Enter the government, with their typical shady-as-fuck solutions, who decided to kick off Project KRUNCH—a secret, off-the-books operation to create the ultimate super snack soldiers. And yeah, it was as fucked up as it sounds.
The lab was buried deep underground, like the bastard child of Area 51 and Willy Wonka’s worst nightmares. Scientists in lab coats mixed sugar and protein with the precision of a serial killer making candy apples, all to craft the perfect balance of energy and muscle that could take down Sugar Corp once and for all.
The result? A trio of snack-powered super soldiers, each with a flavor profile so intense it would make your taste buds run a fudging marathon.
How one imagines the chaotic Super Soldier lab may have looked like back then...
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Enhanced Ace - The Dark Chocolate with Danger as a Middle Name
First up was Enhanced Ace—a jacked-up clone of the original Ace, but this guy was more protein-packed than a bodybuilder on a ‘roid binge.
Enhanced Ace was bigger, stronger, and a hell of a lot dumber than the original. This guy was dumber than a box of expired Twinkies, but he didn’t need brains when he had brawn for days.
Enhanced Ace was a walking, talking protein bar with a dark chocolate coating—10g of complete protein per serving, under 200 calories, and enough muscle to bench press a chocolate fountain. He was basically the original Ace, but with a bigger ego, bigger muscles, and the brainpower of a melted Hershey’s Kiss.
Enhanced Ace in all his glory.
ROXX - The Super Soldier Volunteer
Then there was ROXX, the milk chocolate whey crisp sensation. Unlike Enhanced Ace, ROXX wasn’t some government experiment gone haywire—no, she volunteered for this shitshow.
The POINTS! family needed someone who could take a punch and dish out even more, and ROXX was more than ready to step up and start breaking faces. She was a fudging firecracker with attitude, packing a crunch so satisfying it could give you a foodgasm.
ROXX came with the same 10g of protein as the other KRUNCH team and over half the sugar of Emma M.’s sugary abominations, and she was out to crush her enemies - leaving them crying into their caramel-coated pillows.
ROXX looking extra friendly after a great workout.
Hank Hummii - The Chiseled Chickpea from an Alternate Reality
Last but not least was Hank Hummii—a muscular, protein-packed chickpea from an alternate reality where hummus isn’t just for hipsters. Hank was the strong, silent type, but when he spoke, it was like being hit by a freight train made of garbanzo beans.
His salted roasted chickpea base gave him the power to slam through Emma M.’s defenses like a wrecking ball through a gingerbread house. He wasn’t one to mess around, unless you wanted to end up like hummus paste smeared across the galaxy.
Together, these three misfit super snacks became the KRUNCH Task Force, ready to tear Emma M.’s sugary empire a new one.
Hank enjoying his home reality before getting sucked into Planet POINTS!
The Battle of Butterscotch Ridge
The KRUNCH Task Force’s first mission was to take down Butterscotch Billy, one of Emma M.’s nastiest enforcers. Billy was a hulking mass of butterscotch and caramel, with a candy-coated heart as black as licorice. He’d been turning the citizens of Butterscotch Ridge into mindless sugar zombies with his sickly sweet breath.
Enhanced Ace, ROXX, and Hank Hummii hit the ridge like a goddamn meteor. Billy was ready, but clueless about what was coming.
"Hey, Butterscotch Billy," ROXX snarled. "Why don’t you sweeten the fuck up and surrender before I cram that caramel a%$ of yours into a candy wrapper?"
Billy laughed. "You think you can stop me? I’m pure sugar, baby! You’re just candy-coated freaks!"
Enhanced Ace, flexing his massive biceps, charged. "Let’s see how you handle a little crunch, you caramel-coated prick!"
With one punch, he shattered Billy’s butterscotch armor, sending caramel shards flying. Ace grinned, basking in his awesomeness, too dumb to realize he’d blown his cover.
ROXX followed with a rapid-fire barrage of punches. Billy staggered, his sugar reserves depleting fast.
Hank Hummii stepped in and delivered the final blow—a spinning kick that sent Billy tumbling, leaving him a crumbling mess.
The KRUNCH Task Force stood victorious. The citizens were saved from eternal sugar addiction, and Emma M. had one less minion terrorizing the planet.
A strange cartoon found in the Butterscotch Bugle showcasing the aftermath of the infamous battle.
But this was just the beginning. The war against Sugar Corp was far from over, and the KRUNCH Task Force was just getting started. They were out there, fighting the good fight, one low-sugar, high-protein, kick-a%* snack at a time.
Author Profile
Professor POINTS!
Professor POINTS! is a mad scientist from the not too distant future. He's traveled back in time to warn of the dangers that come from an unchecked Emma M & "Big Sugar".
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