stories from the hummiiverse
A Wild West Snack-venture!
Wild West Showdown in Snackland!
In an outrageous turn of events, Hank Hummii, La La, and me (Giggles)—three of POINTS! most notorious mascots—are making headlines for their completely absurd and raunchy road trip across the wildest snack frontier you’ve ever seen: the Wild West of Planet POINTS!.
They packed into the protein-fueled KRUNCH Mobile, quickly adding additional foodie friends to the vehicle along the way. One by one the car became more packed with absurd chocolatey, fit & fun friends. Some have looked back and described it as a wacky alternate version of something you'd see in the apocalyptic Mad Max films.
The trio, reportedly on a journey to scope out prime real estate for their new Munchy Shop, had no idea they’d be caught up in a dust-kicking, rootin’ tootin’ showdown with Cowtail Cal, Sugar Corp's corrupt-as-hell sheriff. And in true POINTS! fashion, things got out of hand—fast.
The Road to Trouble: A Sugar-Fueled Standoff
Hank Hummii, the jacked-up, no-nonsense chickpea protein powerhouse, sits shotgun, glaring out the window of their candy-coated stagecoach like he’s preparing for war.
In the back, La La, with her ditzy but secretly genius vibes, is snapping selfies while Giggles, the chaotic (awesome) peanut chocolate candy, steers with one hand and downs a protein milkshake with the other. Naturally, they’re arguing about snack names for the shop.
Hank: “Giggles, no. We are NOT calling it ‘Crunch Town: Population You.’”
Giggles: “Dude, it’s catchy!”
La La: *“What about ‘Chewland’? That sounds cute!”
They drive into a barren, dusty town where the only thing thicker than the tension is the smell of sugary doom.
The sky darkens as Cowtail Cal, a sentient, grotesquely twisted piece of caramel with a cowboy hat and a sickeningly sweet smirk, swaggers into view.
His posse, a gang of deformed marshmallow deputies, encircles our heroes.
Cowtail Cal: "Well, well, well. If it ain’t the ‘healthy’ freaks. Didn’t think you’d have the balls—or the nuts, Hummii—to come into my town.”
Giggles: “Balls and nuts? Buddy, we’ve got ‘em in spades.”
Cowtail Cal in all his evil caramel glory.
Showdown at High Noon(ish)
It escalates quickly. Before anyone can blink, Cowtail Cal pulls out a pair of licorice whips, flinging them through the air with deadly precision.
Hank smashes a nearby jawbreaker with his bare hands, using the shards as a shield, while Giggles, laughing maniacally, uses a handful of jellybeans like a shotgun, pelting the marshmallow deputies straight in the face.
La La, meanwhile, stands off to the side, twirling her magic wand.
“Oh yeah? Taste my sugar-free fury, Cal!” She flicks her wrist, and suddenly, low-calorie confetti rains down in a burst of chaotic energy, blinding the remaining thugs.
With pure cartoon-level violence, the battle hits its climax... Hank hoists Cowtail Cal into the air, spinning him like a goddamn lasso.
“You’re about to get fudgin' whipped!” Hank growls, before flinging the caramel sheriff into a sugar silo that explodes on impact.
La La shrieks with laughter while Giggles rummages through Cal’s pockets, “What?? He won’t be needing this shit anymore.”
A Wild West sketch uncovered showing what the KRUNCH Mobile may have looked liked.
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The Aftermath: Munchy Shop, Anyone?
The dust settles, the sheriff's posse defeated, and our heroes stand victorious. As they walk out of town, the camera zooms in on a flyer that flutters onto the road. In bright letters, it reads:
"The Mighty Mascots’ Munchy Shop: Coming Soon to a Frontier Near You!”
Hank grunts, eyeing it skeptically. “I still say we go with ‘Chewville.’”
Giggles sighs, wiping jellybean residue off his hands. “You’re lucky I don’t feed you to a freaking Sugar Corp goon for that name.”
La La just smiles and shrugs, her eyes twinkling with mischief. “I dunno, I think it sounds…delicious.”
The Mascots' Munchy Shop coming soon to a town near you?
What comes next?
And there you have it: three unlikely snack heroes, a town full of sugar-addicted outlaws, and the beginning of something big.
Will the Mighty Mascots’ Munchy Shop take off?
Will they face more sugary scum before their dream becomes reality?
One thing’s for sure: Cowtail Cal won’t be making a comeback.
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Professor POINTS!
Professor POINTS! is a mad scientist from the not too distant future. He's traveled back in time to warn of the dangers that come from an unchecked Emma M & "Big Sugar".
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